Shooting Global Warming Fish in a barrel

Twitter debates can sometimes be a bit amusing.

Flagged onto someone on twitter by @Moronwatch I sort of half heartedly got into a debate with someone quoting this piece from "News Room America" as support for his argument that we are cooling, not warming.

I have no real idea what "News Room America" is, and I don't think I've come across it before, but the piece is so hilariously inept it cracked me up, and I felt moved to de-construct it line by line convincing I felt the need to spread it's revelations further afield..
So - on we go -

New data released by a noted climate research institute last week indicated that the earth has not warmed in more than a decade, findings that are sure to challenge the global warming mentality for years held by a number of scientists.

Rather a bold claim to start with, I'm intrigued - lets look deeper onto the next bit.

The data, released with little fanfare by the University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit in London, shows that the earth has not warmed in at least 15 years. The university's conclusion was based on readings from more than 30,000 measuring stations.

Umm right. lets take a look at this paragraph. Can you spot the basic errors?
University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit in London. East Anglia in London. East Anglia in London.
Nope can't spot anything there. No problem with that. No sirree


Onto the next, ohh the CRU has released new data? Sounds fascinating - lets find it!


Search anywhere for a new release. I can't find it. The most recently released information sheet is  from January last year, and that doesn't mention 30,000 stations or no increase for the past 15 years. I assume this means the reporter has super deep sources, and the "little fanfare" amounts to data hiding of some sort. The journalistic skill in this article makes me smile.

In fact, the university said, it was possible the earth was moving into a cooling cycle, suggesting "that we could even be heading for a mini ice age to rival the 70-year temperature drop that saw frost fairs held on the Thames in the 17th Century," London's Daily Mail newspaper reported.

Leading climate scientists told the paper that the sun, after emitting high energy levels throughout the 20th century, may be entering a period of "grand minimum" output, which could produce colder summers, extreme winters and shorter seasons for growing food.

Other climate scientists made similar predictions.

"World temperatures may end up a lot cooler than now for 50 years or more," Henrik Svensmark, director of the Center for Sun-Climate Research at Denmark’s National Space Institute, told the paper.

"It will take a long battle to convince some climate scientists that the sun is important. It may well be that the sun is going to demonstrate this on its own, without the need for their help," he said.

Some scientists said models set forth by in 2000 by the British government have not yet run their course and could still wind up producing warmer temperatures.

Professor Judith Curry of the Georgia Institute of Technology, a noted U.S. climatologist, said many scientists "are not surprised" by the warming pause.

She said it's becoming more evident that factors other than CO2 affect global warming and cooling, such as the 60-year water temperature cycles in the Pacific and Atlantic oceans, the Mail reported.

Ah, a lot of quote from that bastion of fairness and accuracy the "London Daily Mail". I can think of no better source to use for scientific literacy. Lets find an article with this quote to see who said it - maybe I can track down the hidden UEA info.

Here we go according to the Daily Mail it was research done by UEA and the Met. office. Lets see if the met office shows what UEA has cleverly hidden.


The closest recent Met. office press release mentioning Solar output or global warming is here. Interestingly (or perhaps dastardly) it hides the UEA link. It does however reveal the research was done with "Mike Lockwood, an expert in solar studies at the University of Reading", and you can look up his research on the matter here. which seems to produce the majority of the Met. office information, although as the Daily Mail would never get something wrong - the UEA must have played a key, but hidden role.


I would comment on the high journalistic standards of the Mail, and wax lyrical on the accuracy of the piece here, but, I feel it's unnecessary, as the Met. office itself commented on this specific article. Obviously and clearly the Met. office confirmed absolutely everything the mail says, as it's a bastion of truth.


Anyway back to Newsroom America, lets read some more of the article that doesn't come from referencing the Daily Mail.

© 2012 Newsroom America.

Oh good they've copyrighted their completely and utterly original article about climate change. That's nice.

Do 275,000 Swiss people engage in Zoophilia?

275,000 Swiss people have sexual relationships with animals, a survey revealed

Up to 275,000 Swiss people — out of a population of 8million — have sex with animals, a survey claimed last year.

I read these stories today and was startled by this fact that was thrown out in the Daily Mail and The Sun. Extraordinary stories which I thought may have received more coverage when the Survey happened.

So I did a little research and found this article in a Swiss paper - which appears to be the on the same story from a few days earlier. Not sure if it's the source of the UK articles, but it does state -

Despite it being against the law, last June Tages Anzeiger reported that an estimated 275,000 people practised zoophilia in Switzerland. The Zurich paper said that 5 percent of Swiss males and 2 percent of Swiss women had sexual relationships with animals.

Theres a link to the relevant article for sourcing this claim - which is here.
Now I never did German at school - but the Google Translate version of the article seems to lay out pretty clearly the basis for this "Survey" number

When Albert Kinsey wrote in the fifties, his report, for which he examined 20,000 interviews with the sexual behavior of Americans, gave at 8 percent of men and 3.5 percent of the women, at least once to have had sexual contact with animals . Because at that time such acts were punished, it was assumed, reasonably certain that the information provided. Mid-seventies, the figures were then due to recent - albeit less - Investigations corrected downwards: It is now estimated that 5 percent of men and 2 percent of the female population at some time sexual intercourse with an animal, usually in the form of orally- genital contact or masturbation of the animal. 

Extrapolated to Switzerland means: There are approximately 275,000 zoophiles. Where it is not at all a rural phenomenon - in the face of hundreds of thousands of pets in the cities, the availability is also ensured since. And zoophiles are by no means marginalized or retarded, but how to become white, formed on the large part.

 So an authoritative "Survey" which the British press quotes as happening last year as a source, is nothing of the sort!
It's a vague extrapolation of a number based on Kinsey's old research, and stated for discussion in a conference speech. Nothing more, nothing less.

 Gotta love the British press


Edit: I think the Original 'Research' comes from here  I believe (also in German) which states the same assumptions, as the article. I can find no other mentions of this 275,000 number so unless disproved - I'd assume this was it.

We need Independent Advice for everything

There's currently some discussion in the UK parliament about abortion and the laws covering advice and counselling before abortion.

It's come as a bit of a surprise to me as I thought we in the UK were pretty relaxed about the whole issue of abortion rights etc.

Nadine Dorries MP and Frank Field MP's main current beef is that the charities which perform the procedure also provide advice on options etc. and should be stopped from doing so in favour of "Independent" services. -

Nadine Dorries has criticised the "financial incentive" of the counselling offered by abortion clinics, claiming 60,000 of the annual 200,000 terminations would not take place if women were offered the chance for counselling elsewhere.

She also said

"The important thing is that the government have highlighted and agreed that counselling by organisations that are paid to conduct the procedures is not independent [...] That's very reassuring"

And Mr. Field went as far as to say :

"It is a general principle that advice and services should be separate," [...] I have no evidence of [biased advice]. But we had no evidence of mis-selling of pensions until people investigated." (Guardian)

I suppose the implication is that the charities are pushing more women into abortions to make huge bumper profits for their charity.

Now I would never, ever, go so far as to say that an elected member of our country is smearing an entire sector with vague unsubstantiated innuendo's of downright dishonesty with no evidence.

I'm sure that may be going to far, even if I am a supporter of evidence based policy (which there appears to be not much of around here).

Therefore I'm going to take at absolute face value the suggestion that advice and services must be completely separate.

As a result I've decided to petition the government to make the rules consistent when it comes to treatments offered. As far as I can see it there are plenty of providers who currently provide advice on things that they have a hand in providing.

In order to be fair we need to make it a legal requirement for these things to be treated equally in all cases. I decided to start with dental treatment.

Heres the wording of my petition

It has recently been established in proposed amendments to the health care bill that organisations that are paid to conduct procedures are apparently not independent enough to advise on procedures.

Therefore I propose that all patients of NHS dentists have a legal right to receive counselling and advice independent of the dentist who performs the treatment, before the treatment is performed.

Indeed there is currently nothing to stop dentists proposing unnecessary treatment for patients as they receive money for each piece of dental work completed.

This makes sense and is consistent with other pieces of legislation that are currently being proposed

I think this is a completely logical extension to the proposed amendments, and I look forward to Nadine Dorries's support when the petition goes up.

In fact this should be extended to NHS treatment (performed by all willing providers) when the NHS is remodelled under the current governments NHS legislation. Doubtless, to be completely consistent Nadine and Frank will also fully support my next petition at that point.

If you wish to sign the petition - please look here  - http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/15509

:)

The True Face of BP

After reading about how BP aided terrorism. And how its' recklessness spread evil tentacles around the coast. And how BP created the Iraq war...
And how BP led to the creation of the axis of evil.

I thought I'd do some of my own research into BP's evil, to see what other shenanigans they've been up to. So I spent recent weeks comb statements and interviewing literally dozens of people in an attempt to get to the bottom of just how evil BP is, and what other pies they have their hands in. Many people were unwilling to talk to me at all. Others seemed visibly scared and denied everything. Eventually I found a few hardy souls, willing to be quoted on the record, as long as they remain anonymous, as they fear reprisals by BP hit squads (known as the slickest operators in the business).

My first brave source seems to imply the hand of BP behind local UK events

Well. I was waiting for the bus outside Durham prison a couple of weeks ago when I saw a slightly shifty man with curly hair hanging around the gates. It appeared a prisoner was released, and the waiting man hurried over to him. I heard a rather loud whispered conversation involving the words "policeman", "Girlfriend". Then the waiting man handed the Ex-prisoner a long package.

It was only when I saw the news later that I recognised the prisoner as Raoul Moat. And while watching another segment realised the waiting man was actually Tony Hayward - The BP chief executive. There is no doubt in my mind that BP viciously caused these shootings, probably to increase the amount of petrol used by the police during the massive manhunt.

It seems BP have been active internationally too, and have attempted to influence international air travel. I have no idea as to the reasons.....

A few months ago, I was on a long strictly business trip to Iceland, when I had a free weekend, and decided to go camping halfway up the side of a mountain. At the time I did not know it was a volcano.
We were woken in the middle of the night by the sound of a helicopter. My secretary poked her head out of the tent and said there was a helicopter flying over the top of the mountain, and dropping things into it. I took a look, and read the words "beyond petroleum" on the side.

Later when I got home, I saw the volcano Eyehavealolkill (sic.) erupted, causing travel chaos across northern Europe. I knew BP had caused it. For what nefarious purpose, I have no idea.

The last source willing to talk was a professor I have been talking to on and off for years. he had just returned from an expedition to the holy land, and wanted to share his findings with us.... I have cunningly changed the name of the university he works at in order to respect his anonymity......

Hello. I am the emeritus professor of antiquities and archaeology at the University of West Anglia. A recent find in the middle east has been brought to my attention. Digging in the old city in Jerusalem has uncovered new papyrus claiming to be the original book of genesis. In all aspects it is the same as the well known first book of the bible, however it has an addition of two versus in the story of eden, which I will relate to you.Gen.3

[1]Now the serpent was more subtle than any other wild creature that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God say, `You shall not eat of any tree of the garden'?"

[2] And the woman said to the serpent, "We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden;
[3] but God said, `You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'"
[4] But the serpent said to the woman, "You will not die.
[5] For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
[6] Which the serpent followed with "And if you shall eat this fruit, you shall be rewarded with stock options, in the company of BP"
[7] "Furthermore, you shall have a place on the BP board in perpetuity, and the profits ye shall reap will be huge. yeah more massive than the greatest tree in this eden"
[8] So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, and he ate.

Authenticity of this document is still unclear, but it seems to imply the reach of BP's evil is greater than previously supposed.

Disclaimer. The article above is intended to be (vaguely) humorous and is entirely fictional. This does not detract from the fact the BP oil spill and explosion is an absolute tragedy, both anenvironmental tragedy and a very human one. The aim of the humour in this post is the hysterical over-reaction to BP in particular since this incident. While I hold no candle at all for BP, I hate hysterical media overreaction.
Disclaimer 2: The other incidents described in this post are only referred to in passing, and in a satirical fashion. Please do not be offended by their inclusion.

also http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt617zYAbng...feature=related

Older Internet Humour. Still funny

It has come to my attention that many old humour websites and miscellanea have been missed by much of the the nubile among you. So in an small attempt to enlighten the young and callow in the internets things that made NotJarvis laugh back when he himself was Callow - he has decided to share....

Humour Vids.

• Strindberg and Helium - Miiiiisssseeeerrrrryyyyyy!!!
• Sigh - the Llama song - However, searching for this the other day led me to the awesome Llamas in hats - a couple of short videos which made me giggle.....
• Don Hertzfeldts amazing Rejected, is always worth watching all the way through....
• The stuff on http://www.rathergood.com is always pretty good - but I've always had a soft spot for joel veitch's early "Frightened Boy" animation....
• How the devil did I forget Zefrank? really? Awesomeness throughout, but my favourite vid was the one about the department of homeland security.
• Sigh - to go with the Llama song - check out the badger song. And the football version in time for the world cup.....
• William Shatner sings Common People. (the song by Pulp). Frankly I'd forgot how truly insane this was.... Watch it here....

Blogs/Newsletters

• http://www.b3ta.com/ - B3ta has been going for years. The newsletter is often worth looking through for funny stuff, and their image challenge entries are frequently ripped off for other stuff.

Emails

• Australopithecus spiff-arino. Need any more be said...
• The worlds worst hacker.....
• P-P-P-Powerbook. Thanks Backtrak for linking this gem. I hadn't seen it before......

Uncategorizable

• Amazon Reviews of "Looking For..... The best of David Hasselhoff". This kept me amused as I read ironic comment after ironic comment. A lot of very funny people have reviewed this CD....

Silly Games

• Sometimes you just need the release - so Spank the Monkey...

This Makes No Sense!

I was unfortunate enough to watch The little Polar Bear with my kids this morning. And while they enjoyed the cutesy animations, I found myself nitpicking to the Nth degree about how retarded the plot is, things such as Penguins? At the north pole?, or the fact that the eponymous polar bear at one point floats off on a Iceberg then a barrel and arrives on a tropical island - wait what????!!!

I've since spent the rest of my day musing over retarded children's films, and how they clearly teach our kids about some insane world far divorced from our reality. So without further ado I unveil the

Notjarvis' list of Top Five kids films that contain insultingly stupid plots/devices.....

1. Barnyard - the film. Where a Male Cow trys to get it on with a female cow and.....Wait What???!!!
2. Bee movie - Where the Bees have been able to talk to humans all along, but we just haven't realised yet.....
3. GI Joe - For older kids. At the end of the film the blow up the ice flow which then sinks and kills their base, cos like Ice sinks ya'know?
4. Ice age 3 - Mammoths running around with dinosaurs. Nuff said.
5. The little Polar Bear (discussed above).

Any suggestions for more?

God I'm anal about these things...... :lol:

What my spam folder says about me....

I've recently, for the modest entertainment it provides decided to let the enormous amount of spam I receive on my hotmail account build up before deleting it.

However, when looking at the common themes repeated ad nauseam, I began to worry. Am I being targeted for specific advertisements through some sort of targeted advertising?

Do they know me better than myself?

Hmm - time to look through my spam folder for the commonest themes..........

• Viagra! viagra! viagra! - Advert after advert - They really think I have some sort of impotence problem.....
• Gain Inches - Free Trial! News Alert: Get Extenze Free‏! Male Enhancement This Product Works! NYTimes.com - News Alert: add 3 Inchs Now! Peni1e En1argement !‏ And in addition I have a small penis (I already knew this, but no need to keep telling me (sob!)). It amuses me immensely that one of these emails apparently comes from the New York times....
• Weight loss pills LoseWeighFast! - And I'm obese.
• Cheap Meds! Online Pharmacy! canada-1pharmacy sale !!! Medz4less!!!‏ - Strangely - many of the adverts for drugs come from Canada. I am now coming round to the idea of Canada as some sort of twisted drug haven. And I thought it was just full of mounties....
• Yes loans! CapitalOne Credit! And I'm short of cash - presumably I need a loan to pay for all these meds I need.
• bigcock Women! My personal favourite....

So to recap.
I'm an obese man who has serious health problems, which is why I'm desparate for cheap medications. I am broke and am in deparate need of money. I also suffer with impotence, and a very small penis. I like well endowed Ladyboys.

God knows how they know so much about me. Needless to say this description is entirely accurate.