Wednesday, 16 December 2009

This Makes No Sense!

I was unfortunate enough to watch The little Polar Bear with my kids this morning. And while they enjoyed the cutesy animations, I found myself nitpicking to the Nth degree about how retarded the plot is, things such as Penguins? At the north pole?, or the fact that the eponymous polar bear at one point floats off on a Iceberg then a barrel and arrives on a tropical island - wait what????!!!

I've since spent the rest of my day musing over retarded children's films, and how they clearly teach our kids about some insane world far divorced from our reality. So without further ado I unveil the

Notjarvis' list of Top Five kids films that contain insultingly stupid plots/devices.....
  1. Barnyard - the film. Where a Male Cow trys to get it on with a female cow and.....Wait What???!!!
  2. Bee movie - Where the Bees have been able to talk to humans all along, but we just haven't realised yet.....
  3. GI Joe - For older kids. At the end of the film the blow up the ice flow which then sinks and kills their base, cos like Ice sinks ya'know?
  4. Ice age 3 - Mammoths running around with dinosaurs. Nuff said.
  5. The little Polar Bear (discussed above).

Any suggestions for more?

God I'm anal about these things...... :lol:

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

What my spam folder says about me....

I've recently, for the modest entertainment it provides decided to let the enormous amount of spam I receive on my hotmail account build up before deleting it.

However, when looking at the common themes repeated ad nauseam, I began to worry. Am I being targeted for specific advertisements through some sort of targeted advertising?

Do they know me better than myself?

Hmm - time to look through my spam folder for the commonest themes..........

  • Viagra! viagra! viagra! - Advert after advert - They really think I have some sort of impotence problem.....
  • Gain Inches - Free Trial! News Alert: Get Extenze Free‏! Male Enhancement This Product Works! - News Alert: add 3 Inchs Now! Peni1e En1argement !‏ And in addition I have a small penis (I already knew this, but no need to keep telling me (sob!)). It amuses me immensely that one of these emails apparently comes from the New York times....
  • Weight loss pills LoseWeighFast! - And I'm obese.
  • Cheap Meds! Online Pharmacy! canada-1pharmacy sale !!! Medz4less!!!‏ - Strangely - many of the adverts for drugs come from Canada. I am now coming round to the idea of Canada as some sort of twisted drug haven. And I thought it was just full of mounties....
  • Yes loans! CapitalOne Credit! And I'm short of cash - presumably I need a loan to pay for all these meds I need.
  • bigcock Women! My personal favourite....

So to recap.
I'm an obese man who has serious health problems, which is why I'm desparate for cheap medications. I am broke and am in deparate need of money. I also suffer with impotence, and a very small penis. I like well endowed Ladyboys.

God knows how they know so much about me. Needless to say this description is entirely accurate.